Photo Credit: Dithya Arkalgud
Reimert Stripper Poles – New XLP!*
*Disclaimer: This article was published in The Goofly, a satire edition of The Grizzly. What started as a simple email from Facilities, warning residents about a few new poles to “hold up Reim,” has turned into something much more suspicious. The college claims Reim is on the verge of collapsing...
New Chanel No. 420 Drops*
*Disclaimer: This article was published in The Goofly, a satire edition of The Grizzly. Thanks to a budget increase resulting from recent changes like Reimert Hall’s new wildly popular stripper poles, the College’s administration has announced a push to make new and unique varieties of merchandise available for purchase in...
Popular Fitness Influencer and Contestant on The Biggest Loser Exposed*
*Disclaimer: This article was published in The Goofly, a satire edition of The Grizzly. Last week, Ursinus held a parade welcoming back six local squirrels following their victory on the latest season of The Biggest Loser, streaming exclusively on Tubi Premium. The squirrels captivated the nation and made Collegeville proud...
Breaking Biology Barriers
Adrian Chapman ‘25 is breaking grounds and combining his passions of both genetics and biology by creating a new learning tool, which doubles as a game! His new innovation allows the user to experiment with both of these subjects, all while growing their own virtual garden. Chapman shares: “There’s a...
Yes, Ursinus Should Have a School Uniform*
*Disclaimer: This article was published in The Goofly, a satire edition of The Grizzly. Have you ever thought to yourself as you get dressed in the morning for class, “Wow, I wish I had a uniform so I didn’t have to pick out my outfit?” You’d be correct. Yeah, it’s...
Dear Celeste*
*Disclaimer: This article was published in The Goofly, a satire edition of The Grizzly. Dear Celeste, My boyfriend wants me to go on vacation with his parents over spring break. What should I do? - June Dear June, Your name is June; don't vacation in March. Dear Celeste...
Ursinus Adds Hobby Horsing as New Varsity Sport*
*Disclaimer: This article was published in The Goofly, a satire edition of The Grizzly. Due to recent budget increases, Ursinus is one of the first colleges to welcome the new NCAA sport, Hobby Horsing. With the adaptation of new NCAA policies, the National Collegiate Athletic Association is adding the fast-growing...
Ursinus Scores Top Prospect*
*Disclaimer: This article was published in The Goofly, a satire edition of The Grizzly. This past weekend, the Bears made history, acquiring their first ever five-star basketball prospect in school history. Doron Taussig, a 6’1 Wing from Philadelphia, PA, made his signing public after a long recruiting process, chased down...