Disclaimer: this article was written for the April 1st issue and is a part of The Goofly. This Grizzly issue is satirical.
Get ready to dance to the best song ever, Bears! Bear Bash is back and this year’s performer is… One Direction.
Now you’re probably thinking: “Didn’t One Direction break up when I was in middle school?”, “But I just saw Harry Styles win a Grammy,” “Why are they reuniting at a small liberal arts school in Pennsylvania, anyway?”
Those, dear readers, are questions we at The Goofly debated in many pitch meetings. But, as it turns out, having a president on the PA Higher Education Power 100 list has its perks.
The boy band, composed of Niall Horan, Liam Payne, Harry Styles, Zayn Malik, and Louis Tomlinson, propelled into fame after finishing as finalists on the X-Factor and their subsequent record deal together with Syco Records. They released five albums together, including inescapable hits such as “Story of My Life” and “What Makes You Beautiful.” In 2016, however, the group announced a seven-year hiatus…until now.
The campus is abuzz with the announcement. A junior who wishes to remain anonymous said, “This is so exciting. I grew up listening to the band, so seeing them perform on campus will complete my life.” Other students are just happy to have the tradition back on campus. One senior stated, “I thought I was going to graduate without attending a Bear Bash. I’m so happy they decided to bring it back, with such a nostalgic group as an opener too.”
Bear Bash, formally known as May Day, has been on hiatus since 2019, per the official instagram. Before that, every year, a famous artist would headline the event right here on campus. Past performers include Elle Varner, Jay Sean and We the Kings.
The finalized date has yet to be announced, so keep an eye out for a notification regarding a perfect spring evening in the newly paved gravel lot.