*Disclaimer: This article was published in The Goofly, a satire edition of The Grizzly.
In this exclusive news piece, The Grizzly brings news about a strange event occurring on campus during the break. This breaking story takes us back to the middle of the week of spring break on March 18th, according to our sources.
This whole event started around 7 PM, when multiple on-lookers reported seeing strange activity from a Campus Safety cart between Olin and Wismer.
“I looked outside and saw tire marks, then I saw the cart come back around the building and start doing donuts,” one bystander told The Grizzly.
At this point, somebody must have reached out for help because another officer appeared to assess the situation. Our reckless driver then waited for the new officer on the scene to exit his cart, presumably to come talk to him, and sped away from the scene as fast at the cart’s max speed. Sources then lost track of our driver for a few minutes until he was spotted in front of the library. He was doing his seemingly signature donuts again and racing up and down the walkway in front of him.
This time, officers, noticing the scene, called for support from 911. When a police car arrived, it was reported that the driver turned so quickly that the cart almost tipped over and started flying across the campus, heading towards the FLB and Ritter.
At this point, he was believed to be a danger to himself and others, so Campo officers chased him in carts across campus while the police car went around to try and catch him unexpectedly. When he neared Ritter and saw the police car coming around, he made a quick pivot for Patterson Field. This last-ditch effort turned into a final hoorah when he realized there was no escape. He drove around the field, doing donuts as fast as he could, until his cart finally tipped and the police car pulled up to him.
The police officers got the cart back up and the driver was thankfully fine, but something was odd. “When we got the cart off him, he was just laughing hysterically,” one of the reporting officers told me after they finally caught the driver. After this he was taking for questioning, during which he was reportedly still laughing the entire time.
Luckily, Patterson field was patched up before the week was over. The case is still ongoing with an active investigation.