Die up! From Student Handbook Violation to Campus Wide Sensation

SATIRE: for the Grizzly

The Best Mustache On Campus



Ursinus Athletics has been a powerhouse over the course of the program’s history. From Field Hockey, to Wrestling, to you name it, the Bears have competed at an extremely high level in a multitude of sports over the school’s 155 years of existence. But now folks, UC is about to change the Centennial Conference and collegiate athletics forever! Starting in Spring of 2025, Ursinus is officially joining the NCAA’s Beer Die League after signing a five-year contract with Barstool Sports to be their #1 sponsor at the Division III level.


For those who have read the student handbook, which I am assuming is not many of you, you would know that Beer Die was recently banned from being played on the campus of Ursinus College as part of the school’s effort to discourage the “irresponsible use of alcohol”. However, recent developments inspired by the campus’ need for enrollment have overruled the decision to ban drinking games altogether, and as a matter of fact they are now encouraged. Starting in Fall of 2024, Ursinus will be holding open tryouts for the Beer Die team on campus and this will include Campus Safety officers scouting out talent in the Reimert Courtyard and the Shreiner front lawn to see who the best potential players are. 


Now if you’re wondering: “What is Beer Die?” Here is a quick rundown of the rules. Beer Die consists of two teams with two players on each team. The playing field needs to be located outdoors in a location that resembles a lawn or a backyard. The weather conditions DO NOT MATTER! The sport is played regardless of the conditions outside, and that includes lightning. Perched on the lawn is a table that is roughly eight feet long and four feet wide made of plywood. At each corner of the table there will be a red solo cup, four in total, filled to the top with the home team’s beer of choice. For Ursinus, the beer of choice for their home competitions will be Busch Light. Once cups are filled with beer two dice will be given to the home team to take the first turn. Once a player is ready to take the turn they must say the words “Die Up!” before every turn. If a player does not announce “Die Up!” before their turn, they will have to re-do their toss. The goal of the game is to land the dice in the red solo cup full of beer. If the dice hits the table, bounces and hits the grass, that counts as one point for the throwing team. If the dice is caught in any way shape or form it is not a point for either team. The defending team, believe it or not, can still score points by executing what is called a FIFA maneuver which is kicking the dice in the air if it misses the table and catching it with the other player. A team wins when they either land the dice in the red solo cup or they score 11 points. At the end of the game, the losing team has to chug the beer in the red solo cup at the corner of the table. Matches consist of a three game series and the first team to win two games wins the match. The final and most important rule, all players must shotgun at least two beers before playing and must breathalyze over a .07. We have a very simple saying in Beer Die, “If you can legally drive, then you can’t play Die!”


Last but not least, if you’re wondering who will be coaching the team, we have a big surprise for you. Interestingly enough, our very own president, Robyn E. Hannigan, alumnus of 4-time Beer Die National Champion, TCNJ (The College of New Jersey), will be taking over as the head coach of Ursinus’ Beer Die team for the foreseeable future. “Die is life!” Said President Hannigan when asked about why she decided to accept the role as head coach. “We’re breaking barriers and taking names with this new Beer Die team,” concluded Hannigan about her goal with this new addition to Ursinus Athletics.

Ursinus Athletics is changing the game with the addition of Beer Die into the curriculum. If you are interested in signing up please reach out to brewskibrews@ursinus.edu for more info. Our first meeting will take place Monday, April 1st in the Reimert Courtyard. 6mg Zyns of a variety of flavors will be provided.